Ask DrivinBrad

Submit your questions to a s k b r a d at d r i v i n b r a d . c o m

 

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

ASK DRIVINBRAD

DRIVINBRAD:  Are you in Chicago?  -- A concerned reader

Dear Concerned:  yes.  --DB

Thursday, September 07, 2006

ASK DRIVINBRAD: Wikipeida

DRIVINBRAD:  Recently I discovered that the online encyclopedia www.wikipedia.com has falsely taken you off their site. I was appalled to learn they did not believe that you, DrivinBrad, were a real Internet phenomenon! This online wrongdoing has crushed my dream of a happy Internet utopia. I am devatsted. What is your opinion of this injustice? Is there any hope for an online site that is accurate and not destroyed by non driving fans??  --Wiki won't ever trust again!

Wiki:  They suck.  Now that DrivinBrad truly is an internet sensation, as noted on a recent survey, they will hopefully reconsider once we resubmit in a few weeks.  --DB

15. Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com? No

15. Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com?
no, but i love thesuperficial.com

Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com ? Toastmasters? DrivinBrad? Is it time to coin the phrase "Meme-Spam" already?

15. Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com?
OH, YES!~I have a smart son. "I am in-tune, hip to ALL the NEW happenings."

15. Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com?

No, but I've played Brad the Game, which is far too amusing.

15. Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com?
Who's Brad and why are we Drivin?

15. Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com?
Real fucking sensation there now, isn't there?   Almost as bad as egulphy.com!
At least I'm a sensation because of my alma mater.

15. Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com?

Look. If you have to call yourself an "internet sensation" to get attention, you're doing something wrong. Proceed directly to your nearest therapist and sign up for a year or two o service.

15. Have you ever heard of the internet sensation DrivinBrad or visited Drivinbrad.com?
huh?

 

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

ASK DRIVINBRAD: Acute Colitis & Kid Touchers

DRIVINBRAD:

1. How would you cure my dog's Acute Colitis?

2. Recently a collegue of mine claimed that our recent drought what caused by God's wrath on kid-touchers living in local neighborhoods, any thoughts?

--"J" in Dallas

"J": 

1) My limited research indicates that this is a digestive issue.  There are lots of complicated ways to end digestive issues but I know of a real simple one that is guaranteed to work.  Stop feeding your dog.  If your dog has nothing to eat, then it has nothing to digest.  Compare this issue to boating safety.  People are unsafe on area lakes.  However, if it stops raining and the lakes run out of water, then we will be safer on the lakes because our boats wont be able to go very far.  So by not feeding your dog, I guarantee it won't have any more digestive issues. 

2)  How do we know that god is not a kid toucher.  I hear all the time that God touches ALL of us.  ALL of us.  Not just those over the age of 18.  So why would god punish us for something that he/she does itself.  The answer is simple -- god wants us to be safer on the lakes so hence there is no more rain.  --DB

 

ASK DRIVINBRAD: Where do babies come from?

DRIVINBRAD: I am 10 years old. The other night I was watching television the handsome landlord. The show was explaining the "birth" of soda. It said that "soda is formed by impregnating air." I asked the landlord what impregnating was, and he break into a weird cold sweat and then he said it was hard to explain and would have to show me, but then my mom walked in and said we had to go to the store. Then when I asked my mom in the car what impregnating was, she freaked out and ran the car into a ditch. So, to make a long story short, DrivinBrad, can you please explain or show me what or how impregnating is?  --Confused and Curious

Confused:  I found a great picture book from our friends in Gernamy that explains what your mom freaked out about.  However, if you want to know how soda is impregnated, you will need to visit the Dr Pepper museum in Waco or watch Modern Marvels on the History Channel.

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/babies/index.htm  --DB. 

 

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

ASK DRIVINBRAD: impregnanting air

DRIVINBRAD:  I was watching television with my handsome landlord tonight. The show explained the "birth" of soda. It said that "soda is formed by impregnanting air." Ever since then my landlord has refused to breathe (he thinks that's how air is impregnated). His breathing strike is an effort to rid soda from the world. He claims that it is killing the underprivileged Jewish youth by rotting their teeth and insides. At first I thought he was joking but now he is turning blue. In your opinion should I let him fight the good fight or call 911? Or, should I explain to him that breathing does not impregnant air or produce soda?  --Underprivileged Jewish Youth

Finally, a question that can truly help someone.  I learned a long time ago that breathing helps people live.  You have a 39% higher rate of living if you breathe on a regular basis.  Let him know that standing up for a cause is useless unless you are powerful, have lots of money, or are an illegal immigrant (because they have more rights in this country than anyone else).  There are other ways to protest like smashing the bottles at the local supermarket.  Whatever you do though, do not call 911.  The 911 system is busy dealing with real problems, like people watering their yards on days other than their watering day and people violating the smoking ban. 

Once this issue passes, I recommend that you watch the episode of Modern Marvels with him and learn more about soda and how it impregnates the air in the carbonated beverages.  --DB

 

ASK DRIVINBRAD: Randon Questions

DRIVINBRAD: A few questions 1) Is it tomato or tohmato? 2) Is it Disco or Discotche 3) How is your disposal working? 4)What is the fastest way to get from North Dallas to the best Luby's in the city? 5) Which one is the best Luby's you've ever eaten at? 6) How much for the nice wicker chair and table set in the window?  -- Annonymous in Austin

Anon In Austin: 

1) Number of google articles with tohmato: 271.  Number of google articles with tomato:  45,400,000.  Any questions?

2) According to our earlier posting, it doesn't matter becuase they are both f****ing shit. 

3) My disposal is doing well.  It has gone thru a few issues such as olive pits, artichokes, and part of a BBQ sauce bottle, but each time it eventually goes back to normal. 

4) Take McCallum West To Southbound Hillcrest.  Make a right on 635.  Exit Tollway south.  Merge onto 35E south and then exit I-30 west (the Tom Landry Freeway).  Take the Hampton Road exit and head south.  Lubys is on the left side.  Note:  this is only the best Luby's when certain people are working -- the food seems to taste much better when its served at a "special price". 

5) McKinney was a great Lubys before it closed.  Warren and I used to drive there for the garlic toast.  Whatever happened to Lubys garlic toast?  Do we have any lubys employees that want to elaborate?

6) We don't have wicker in the window.  However, you can get a good deal on select groups from Lloyd / Flanders.   --DB

 

ASK DRIVINBRAD: why the f*** do you have shitty music
Current mood: crushed

DRIVINBRAD:  why the f*** do you have shitty music on your stupid f***ing myspace? i was listening to decent music and then your shitty f***ing homo music came on and ruined everything. why do you have such bad taste in music? why would you put music on your myspace at all when you know it just pisses people off and makes them not want to go to your myspace? why do you use myspace at all you f***ing trend following shit? get a life, idiot. --early cuyler

EC:   I like to find songs that are unique and different.  It exposes people to new music they might of not heard before or have not of heard in a long time.  Songs such as Pets by Porno for Pyros and Wild Thing by Tone Loc has graced this page in addition to Bluegrass Junction, Bella Fleck, Depeche Mode, and most recently Popcorn by Hot Butter.  If you feel the music is a distraction, drop me a line and I will remove it from my site. 

 

Monday, September 04, 2006

ASK DRIVINBRAD: Too many guys

DRIVINBRAD:  I am dating so many guys I am starting to not be able to keep track of who tells me what stories, what do I do? Actually I really only like one of them though...

-- Hailey In Highland Village

Hailey:  Sometimes it's best to take advice from the corporate world on how to solve your personal issues.  When you have too many guys and you really only like one of them, the best way is to fire them (just like in the workplace).   So I recommend you take some good advice from Radio Shack and send them an email letting them know of their new status.  "The dating force reduction notification is currently in progress. Unfortunately your position is one that has been eliminated."  If Radio Shack could fire 400 people by email, you can easily dump a few guys with a cleverly stated email.  --DB

 

ASK DRIVINBRAD: Tootsie Pops

DRIVINBRAD:

Just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

--Troubled In Texas

Troubled:   The folks at Tootsie told me that a group of engineering students from Purdue University recorded that their licking machine, modeled after a human tongue, took an average of 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. They tried the same licking test on 20 volunteers and found that the average licks to the center were 252 licks.  --DB.

 

 

 

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